3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize