Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
