I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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