OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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