I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
