Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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