my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
