I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
