Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
