He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
