i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
