I could have mohawked her pubes.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
