I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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