he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
