So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck me I smell like cheese
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
