I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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