I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I sprained my soul last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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