Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize