dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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