are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
