Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
