We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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