Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
