We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize