Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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