I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
