your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
