No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
