I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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