My friends, they love my intelligence
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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