So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
