Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
