just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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