i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
