Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
