Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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