i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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