Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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