look no pants
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
