HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
