its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
