I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
