So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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