i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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