Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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