how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize