At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
