Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
