I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wear drunk well.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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