just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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