so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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