My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
