you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
