so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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