one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
