not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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