How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
