Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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