nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
