well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
