Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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