Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
