there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
