sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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