I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my being single is dangerous.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
