If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
