So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
