and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
