It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
