I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
