he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
